It could be having the entire house clean at once. It could be meeting a friend for a play date. It could be indulging in Starbucks instead of making coffee at home. It could be discovering that something I've wanted for a long time is finally on sale. It could be these things, but it isn't.
It's making the most of my time with Caleb.
I have found that though motherhood began as completely selfless, selfishness has slowly and subtly crept back in. At this time last year, I didn't think twice about forgoing my own comforts and wishes in exchange for sitting on the floor with Caleb or reading parenting and childcare books. Now I have to make a conscious effort to put away my personal to-do lists and wishlists in exchange for Caleb's wishlists. It's far too easy to make my daily agenda about myself... until I look into those bright, sparkly blue eyes and think about how happy it would make Caleb to make my agenda all about him.
Parenting has taught me about denying myself in a way that nothing else has before. Marriage demands that we compromise and give of ourselves, but our spouses are capable of being self-sufficient, and our children are not. No one will ever depend on me the way my child(ren) will. Perhaps God gives us children not only to create new generations, but to better learn the selfless part of being Christlike.
At the end of the day, I am most satisfied when I have ignored my e-mails and let the kitchen slide a little and instead played games with Caleb, read books with him, explored the backyard with him and snuggled him while he had a snack. I prefer to have my home and life in order, but I'll take a little chaos in exchange for quality time with my boy.
(I mean really, who could resist this?)
1 comment:
Well said, honey. I am so proud of the woman and mom you have become. And what an example you are setting of a godly woman.
Love you,
Mom
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