Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Oh Baby!

We planned for it, but still got surprised.

A few posts ago, I explained about PCOS and what that could mean for me/us. Since that post, I've met with a reproductive endocrinologist who specializes in treating PCOS. My goal was not just to reverse possible infertility, but also to prevent other health conditions (diabetes, heart disease, etc.) that can develop from PCOS. I've also met with a nutritionist, who is working with me to create a diet that will minimize PCOS symptoms.

I've always been irregular, so after going off the pill it was no surprise that my cycles became unpredictable. On July 20th, it had been about 3 months since my last cycle. While this is abnormal, it's happened to me before. I chalked it up to PCOS. I had also had back pain and cramping for a few weeks, which I attributed to the impending visit from "aunt flo". I'd been charting for several months, and saw no signs of pregnancy, or even ovulation. (When you ovulate, progesterone kicks in and causes your basal body temperature to rise. If you've conceived, your temperature remains high. Mine never shifted, signifying an anovulatory cycle.)

I finally decided to take a test - to basically rule it out.

Imagine my surprise as I watched the test line turn pink... and the positive indicator line turn pink immediately after.

And then I started laughing. Uncontrollably.

You've GOT to be kidding me!!!!

I was incredibly bewildered. My chart showed that I wasn't ovulating. My RE had taken one look at my charts and said I wasn't ovulating. So, I drank a bunch of water and took another test. Again, immediately positive. Although, this time the lines were slightly blurry. Well, what does that mean? More bewilderment. Sooo, I went to the store, bought another box of tests, drank a lot of liquid, and took a third test. Yet again, immediate positive. 'Well,' I thought, 'there you go.' Except even after three positive tests, I still didn't believe it.

There was only one surefire way to know, so I immediately went in for a blood test. The next day, I couldn't believe my ears when the nurse on the phone said, "It's positive!"

I'm pregnant.

That entire week, all I could say was, "I can't believe I'm pregnant. I can't believe it. I can't believe it." I had expected that it would be at least a few more months until it would even be possible for me to conceive. I mean, I "wasn't ovulating"!

I thought about something my mom-in-law told me she'd been reading in the Bible. There were so many barren women who wanted nothing more than to have a child, so they prayed. And prayed. And prayed. And then, God opened their wombs. For months, I asked - no, begged - for God to allow me to be pregnant. And then He did.

My initial reaction to the home pregnancy tests was laughter and disbelief. My reaction after talking to the nurse was literally falling on my knees, crying and thanking God over and over for what He had given us.

We had our first ultrasound on Thursday of that week, and found that we were 5 weeks and 5 days pregnant. That meant I was already pregnant when we went to see the RE. When they did the blood test, they found that my progesterone was low, which would explain why my temp never rose, and why I didn't seem to be ovulating.

The pregnancy has become much more real since "morning" sickness kicked in just after our ultrasound. Each day is tough; I'm exhausted and nauseous, and all I want to do is lay in bed. (Being out of work has actually worked out for me now; there's no way I could function at work in this state.) It's difficult being so uncomfortable all the time, but it's also a reminder of a beautiful lesson God has taught me. I fretted for so long, but he had already provided what I longed for. He is worthy of my trust. And if things had worked out differently and we were never able to conceive, He would have taken care of that somehow, too.

Our next appointment is in 3 days. We'll get to see our baby again, and this time hear the heartbeat. I'm already in love with our little "miracle" baby. We planned for you, but you still managed to catch us off guard. You definitely are your daddy's baby. :)

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