Our Little BOY!

We went in for our 20 week ultrasound on Thursday and found out we're having a boy! I was so sure it was a girl that I was shocked at first, but I'm really thrilled to meet my little man in March. He's currently 10 inches long and weighs 14 oz, measuring just a day ahead of where we are. We got a close look at his head and organs, arms, hands, legs and little feet. At one point he was holding his arm up and opening and closing his hand, like he was waving. I was more excited about finding out than Jonathan, who would have been fine waiting until birth to know what we have. He's surprised both of us with his enthusiasm and excitement about knowing that we're not just having a baby, we're having a son.

We got lots of pictures from the ultrasound, and this profile shot is my favorite:


This one isn't as clear, but you can see his little lips puckered under his nose:


His legs were stretched out toward the end, and even though you can't see it on this picture, I could tell that he has his daddy's feet instead of mine:


He's looking right out at the doppler here. Look closely next to his head and you can see his hands up by his face (he actually looks much more human than this, but the ultrasound doesn't show eyelids or hair or anything, just the eye sockets):

Me-1, H1N1-0

Last Thursday I went in and got my thimerosal-free H1N1 vaccine. (Note: The vaccine takes 10 days to be fully effective.) I thought I was in the clear, until I woke up on Monday with a cough. You know, the chest-rattling, aching kind. By 5pm that evening I had a fever of 100.1, plus a headache, sore throat and the aches, so Jonathan took me to a clinic to be checked out. The doctor there said I did in fact have the flu, and based on the fact that I had my seasonal flu shot 4 weeks prior and the in-office test showed up negative for that strain, it was almost certainly H1N1.

For the last four weeks, I've been anxiously awaiting November 5th. That's the day of our 20 week checkup, and more importantly, our ultrasound where we'll get a good look at the baby and see if we're having a boy or a girl. Needless to say, I was not pleased with the timing of this flu.

I called my ob-gyn to let them know I had the flu and would need to reschedule. She told me that as long as I am without a fever for 24 hours prior to the appointment, we can still go. Talk about motivation to get better! In addition to the tamiflu prescribed by the clinic, I started popping tylenol and drinking so much fluids I can't believe I haven't drowned by now.

Well, as of yesterday evening, I have a very sore throat, runny nose and a headache, but no fever! That means we're still on for our appointment for tomorrow. This flu can kiss my pregnant behind!

Who Do You Love More?

I've already begun to love my baby. Especially since I can feel its movements, I've started bonding with him/her. I can hardly imagine how much more intense that will be when he/she is born. While thinking about that, I was hit hard by this idea:

I have to love Jesus more than I love my child.

It's not even born, and already I'm struggling with getting this priority straight. It's hard enough to try and love Him more than Jonathan, and now I've got this little tiny being, that already has me wrapped around its unborn fingers, that I have to give to Him as well. It's not like He doesn't deserve it, like I don't understand why I should love Him more. But my goodness, this is my own flesh and blood. How on earth will I manage to keep this needy, helpless, beautiful little creature in second place?

God not only asked Abraham to love Him more, He asked him to prove it by slaughtering his son as a sacrificial offering. Abraham loved God so much that he obeyed, to the point where he held a knife above his son's chest, and he would have plunged it in had God not intervened. His only son, whom he and his wife Sarah had waited decades for. That is the kind of love that God both requires and deserves of me. Who am I to keep it from Him?

He knows my limitations, my struggles, my shortfalls. And if I ask Him, He can teach me how to love Him more. So now I pray this difficult prayer: "God, thank You for giving me this incredible blessing to love, but help me to love You more." And I try my hardest to mean it.

Little Movement, Big Impact

18 weeks and 6 days, and still not feeling any movement. Listening to the heartbeat had become part of my nightly bedtime routine, and the reassuring 150bpm pulses let me know that the baby is healthy and thriving. Still, I wanted to feel those flutters, those little physical reminders that "I'm in here!"

19 weeks to the day, laying on my back in bed, waiting to go to sleep, hands resting on my stomach. Something rolls up against my right hand. Is that what I think it is? Could just be an air bubble... then another one. A foot, kicking out, gentle yet firm enough to push my hand up. A few moments later, and a third nudge. Then a softer one lower on my abdomen. An arm. My baby's arm, giving me a little poke.

19 weeks and 1 day. Now that I know what it feels like, I feel it all day long. A few firm kicks, and some softer nudges, all unmistakeably the baby. Distracting and tickling me during church, increasing after I've eaten, slowing down as I'm ready to sleep again.

Jonathan has been able to feel a few taps. In time it will be easier to feel them outside my stomach. For the time being, even though I love to share these things with my husband, I enjoy the private moments, just my baby and I. Even as I sit here, I feel intermittent pokes from (what I think are) the baby's arms. Arms that in 21 weeks I will hold and kiss and love more than I can imagine is possible.

In a week and a half, I'll know if those kicks and jabs are coming from my son or my daughter!

17 Weeks

4 Months Down

Last Saturday, the 3rd, marked the beginning of my fourth month. 16 weeks down, 24 to go. So far the second trimester hasn't been much different than the first, but once we learned the key to controlling the morning sickness, the first wasn't really that bad. We have our next monthly appointment this Thursday, and a month after that we find out what we're having. The closer it gets the more excited I am. I can't wait to start on the nursery, buy some cute outfits, pick out names, etc. I truly don't care whether it's a boy or a girl. There are so many different good things that come with each!

I've wondered when I would really start to feel like a parent; whether it would be while I'm still carrying the baby, or when it's born, or maybe a while after that. Then, a week or two ago, I had my first taste of what it feels like to be a mother. I've mentioned in a previous post the story of Audrey Caroline. (READ IT! Read it now! It's a heartbreaking story, but inspiring too.) She was the daughter of Todd and Angie Smith. Todd is one of the singers in Selah. I was up late one night reading the story again. I cried plenty the first time I read it; add the pregnancy hormones this second time, and a blubbering mess ensues. At one point I felt a staggeringly strong need to protect my own unborn child. Over and over, I prayed, "God, protect my baby. God, protect my baby." I won't fully understand what it means to be a mother until this little one comes into the world, but for the time being, I think I have an idea.

Growing

It's been over two weeks since we've moved into the house, and it feels more like home all the time. We still have some boxes scattered around and probably will for a while. Some things will have to wait to be unpacked until we have all of our furniture. In the meantime, Jonathan is enjoying having his long-awaited subwoofer and watching movies with the volume cranked; Tigerlily is enjoying running around all the extra space we have now; and I'm enjoying sitting on the couch and taking naps. :) In a couple weeks we'll have the baby grand up here, which I cannot wait for! As soon as we find a sofa we like for the family room, we'll move the current furniture up to the living room where the piano will be, and then the wall hangings, pictures, etc. can come out of the boxes they're living in right now.

We had our monthly appointment last week and everything is looking good. The baby's heartrate is about 158/160. Our OB's assistant had a hard time finding it at first. Turns out the baby is sitting very low. I'm 13 weeks now, less than a week away from the official beginning of the second trimester! The morning sickness is slowly starting to ease, but it's not gone yet. We'll see what happens next week. Maybe I'll be one of the lucky ones who wakes up the day I turn 14 weeks and I'll be magically feeling 100%.

We had a brief spell of warm weather last weekend, but for the most part, the season has unofficially turned to fall. Those of you who know me well will not believe what I'm about to say... I'm looking forward to fall! ::gasp:: I know, I know, I'm a Florida girl at heart and love the hot weather. However, with my temperature running higher all the time, the cooler weather has felt pretty good. Besides, there are some things about fall that even summer lovers can appreciate: changing leaves; crisp air; seasonal colors (that happen to be my favorite colors); the reintroduction of pumpkin spice lattes and apple cider. I wish fall didn't equate to more rain, but now as a homeowner with a lawn to be watered, I can even appreciate that more. (Marginally.)

Many have asked me to see what my little baby bump looks like. It's not much of a bump, but it's something: